Disenchanted soliloquy

Another year
no regrets from the past
only today exists
tomorrow is not promised
A man
A warrior
A frightened child
Caring and careless

Memories
The long forgotten past
yet not so forgotten
Stretching outwards
towards to the grey clouds
for that is where freedom lies

The wet ground
testimony to the rain
that fell for all those days
Feeble and futile
the muscles of society
flexed with no power

The declination of humanity
the estranged relationships
of souls
With the power to change
but the mind to destroy
There is no humanity any longer
just what and who you are
to yourself
and to others

Oh God
I’m still waiting
and You know what for

Not much of a hero
when it comes to the crunch
but the time will come
when one needs to step up
step up and take the bat
hit that home run buddy
hit it hard
hit it fast
hit it where it needs to go

Consequence of thought
delirious and doubtful
of conclusion and mixed-up dreams
dancing the moonlight
with emotion and unmasked feelings

Family and friends
Family are here
I cannot find my friends
They are scattered into the dark places
They have run other paths to mine
Yes, it is lonely sometimes

It is not the wind that makes the sound
It is what the wind moves
As it blows in my ear
I hear the words
I hear the words
deep down in me
vibrating, rushing,
shattering, convulsing
into forms of meaning
and silent communication

I think, sometimes,
about what I want to say
and then it all goes away
because I run
far from them
And so the words decay
into little pieces of history
never revealed or related

Hope and fear
Dreams and madness
Doubts and courage
All mix
They all mix into this cocktail
I drink of life
I drink it in and revel in nonsense
never really sure what is real
and what is a lie

I have lied
and I have told the truth
sometimes they are
one and the same
For soon I will walk the plank
and I want to make sure
I got those boots
tied to my feet
’cause I ain’t comin’ back

Reverting to a previous time
Recollecting another era
Hoping for what was
is no way to cheer up the soul
Plans do not victory achieve
Vision is over-rated anyways

Belief
Conviction
Shaky grounds removed
Religion undefined
Religion unrefined
Religion not so kind
I am anti-religion
the killer of the human soul

Silent fears
I will never reveal
Hidden tears
I will always conceal
Hurting inside
from what should have been healed
Smiling outside
as if happiness within sealed

Music my mistress
my dream state and desire
the realm of another place
I can go there
I can go to my place
in the music

This may be the last thing I ever write
Would you read it out loud?
Would it even make sense?
Would it make you proud?
Patterns and formations of letters,
the words locking into each other
forming the meaning
of a silent soliloquy for the soul

What’s written is read
understood not in the head
but the heart connects
and, somehow, it works
somehow

The light outside
cast by the moon
when nothing else
invades the night sky
That engages me
to breathe
to look up
to wonder
to soar

Alas
there is no-one in this conversation
but the cold night air
and me
just me
I’m listening again
for the wind
but the wind is not speaking tonight
So it’s just my heart
and the beat it makes
and so I know
I am still alive
I am real
and I live.

So, dear Creator
what to?
what for?
what now?
Your hand is mighty to save
So save us all

I shall leave with this:
One man who was two
living in one of others’ worlds
where nothing but the search
for the rhythm of life
consumed his way
and now he walks his path
with a rhythm unlike yours
with a beat you’ve not yet heard
and with a mind of his own,
at last;
One man
with crazy dreams
and quiet caress
of mindful emotions
and passion of the drum
He walks alone his path.

Don’t judge him
or count him lost
Don’t box him
into your mindless structure
of your life’s conviction
Just accept him
and keep him close.
He walks alone his path
just like you.

Peace.

© The Drummer Poet
Written : 19/01/2012

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