Reminded that I am alive

I shut the door
and close the windows
The curtains are drawn
and I am hidden from the world.

In here, it’s just me.
I hear nothing
but the sound of my breathing,
the sound of my heart.

It’s dark, it’s quiet.
I need this time.
Without it
I splash in the whirlpool of madness
and drink from the chaos that is the world.

Thoughts bounce about
as I try to relax
and, finally, they settle down
A tune is playing
somewhere in the back of my mind
I turn it down
till it ends.

I no longer hear my breathing
it is only my heart that beats
and so
I listen to its rhythm

It’s comforting
It’s warm
consistent
patient
comforting

The sound envelops me.

The beating of my heart
reminds me that I am alive
and even in this quiet place
my body screams.

Although no sound is heard
I scream as loud as my lungs will allow
the force of air to move up through my throat
through my mouth
cutting into the atmosphere
polluting it with wordless nonsense

I stand up
I open the curtains
and stare out at the world below

I open the door
and step outside my room.

© MH
10/03/2011

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