It will always rain

I don’t actually know
what I’m trying to say
All I know is there is
something
deep down inside
that needs to see the light
of day

Call it gut instinct
call it intuition
call it bravery
call it malicious
but it’s there;
oh yes it’s there!

A river of truth
in my mind conceived
to be the truth
for all who believe
but there’s nothing there
that I can say
to make you say ‘yes’ or ‘no’
or ‘another day’

What’s left, my friend,
when the money is spent
and the time is gone
and the friends no longer exist?
It’s you, only you.
You’ve got nothing but
your own heartbeat;
Is it healthy? Your heart?

Is it healthy?
I ask this because I know
that a troubled heart sickens the soul
and brings a man down to the depths
below the depths
of where he thought he could go
and he wallows, deep down
in the pit of misery
until, in a moment, he looks up
and light pours down
flooding down
onto his face
drying the tears of self-pity
and lifting his countenance to joy.

Pure grace, without hinderance
without delay
without request or demand
or any imposed sense of obligation
wrapped around in light
and lifting the lifeless body
out of the muck.

I don’t really know
what it is I am trying to say
but that something must come out
to play in the light
to fly in the night
to seek what is right
and live in truth,
freedom,
reality.

Fancy words dance about my mind
sparkling colours of dazzling beams
flash around and seize what I call memories
into moments of laughter and pain
all but to release them again
and throw them out to the wind of imagination
and I laugh and I cry at the same time.

Only half a mask now,
it’s either coming off
or being put on again.
People say ‘How are you?’
and I just say I’m fine!
They don’t look at your face when you speak
they don’t know you’re lying.

But the further you go
on your journey in life
You realise that no-one knows everything
that no-one can tell you what do to
except yourself.
Do you really listen to yourself?

We’re all perforated humans
slowly ripping at the seams
as the stresses of life tear away
at our souls
and make us who we’re not meant to be

Each layer thinner than the one before
revealing the child inside
needing only love and acceptance.

So what I am trying to say?
Does it make any sense?
Do I make any sense?
I’m still smiling
I’m still crying
I’m on that boat
drifting with a sail
and no wind;
drifting with the wind
and no sail.
BUT I have my rudder and oar!!!
And I’m paddling like I’ve never paddled before!

The desert will always need the rain
and the rain will never come
The sea will always need the land
but the water will never swallow the earth again.

It will always rain.
Somewhere in the world
it will always rain.
You either take out your umbrella and shelter yourself
or you stand in it
naked and unabashed
to be washed by pure water from the heavens above.

Savour the moments
and nourish yourself with joy
Drink of water that makes you never thirst again.

It will always rain
the water drops will never move out of your way
so you do not get wet;
Neither will they aim for your head
to explode like baby bombs
into punctuated droplets
of irony and ‘universal fate’.

Take the lingo
take the words
take the concepts and images
painted in your mind
with my pen
and make them yours
or throw them away.
But
be free to live,
live to be free.

© MH
25/02/2011

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